he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
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