Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
