ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
