Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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