I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
