I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
