i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
