Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
