Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
