I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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