So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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