I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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