My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
