She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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