If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
