I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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