He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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