Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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