You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
