I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
