i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
