I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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