Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
