I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
