Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
