sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize