I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
