Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
