sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
