If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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