So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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