Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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