I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
