no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
