Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
