apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
