If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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