just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
