Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize