took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
