dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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