Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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