he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
