Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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