Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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