What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
