You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
