I got chris browned last night
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
