My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
