dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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