he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
