At least make sure they are 18
Why
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
