i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
