I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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