how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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