I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
