Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
