I have demons in me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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