hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Randomize
