i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
