we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
