New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
