So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
