Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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