i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
