Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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