i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
