Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
