I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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