bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
