I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
