even my farts smell like vagina
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
