I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize