I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
