one two three fourrrrnication!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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