fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
