well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have tasted many bathrooms
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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