Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
