don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
