apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
