I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
