yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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