respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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