The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And then my night got REAL pukey
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
